Henny Youngman Quotes (60 quotes)
“A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
As quoted in: The Fifth and Far Finer Than the First Four 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, Robert Byrne, Random House, 1994, p. 134
As quoted in Forbes - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
As quoted in "Perfect husbands (& other fairy tales): demystifying marriage, men, and romance" (1993) by Regina Barreca, p. 78
“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”
As quoted in: Third and Possibly the Best 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, Robert Byrne, Random House, 1987, p. 314
“My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.”
Similar quotation was found without attribution in "The Colorado Academic Library, Volumes 3-4" (1966), p. 11: "There was man [...] who studied arduously and became — and the expenses of his other pursuits — expert at karate. His toughness being of high order, he was called in to train for the marine corps. Among the initial requirements to which he was introduced was military courtesy. Whereupon, the first time he saluted, he killed himself!"
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Picture Source: WikipediaHenny Youngman
Born: March 16, 1906
Died: February 24, 1998 (aged 91)
Bio: Henry Henny Youngman was a British-American comedian and violinist famous for one-liners, short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known one-liner was Take my wife please.
Quote of the day
“Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us - and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along.”