“A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”
- Fred Allen
“A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.”
“A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.”
“A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.”
“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”
“A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.”
“All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.”
“An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.”
“An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.”
“An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.”
“An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.”
“California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.”
