Henny Youngman Quote

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“A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”

- Henny Youngman

Source/Notes: youtu.be/-lhxg7ClZ2Y?t=2m16s

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“A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.”

- Henny Youngman

Source/Notes: As quoted in "Healthiest You Ever" by Meera Lester, Adams Media, 2011

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“A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.”

- Henny Youngman

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“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

- Henny Youngman

Source/Notes: As quoted in "Perfect husbands (& other fairy tales): demystifying marriage, men, and romance" (1993) by Regina Barreca, p. 78

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“How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”

- Henny Youngman

Source/Notes: As quoted in: Forbes, Volume 163 (1999), p. 252

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“I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”

- Henny Youngman

Source/Notes: quoted from Lawrence J. Epstein's The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America (2001)

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“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.”

- Henny Youngman

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“I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.”

- Henny Youngman

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“If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.”

- Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman Quote

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